Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Things I Shouldn't Love As Much As I Do

Since I addressed some of the things that I am forgetting to invest in yesterday, today I thought it might be fun to reveal some of the things that I've invested in that are most probably a total waste of time.  Don't worry.  I'll be sure to include plenty of thinly veiled justification so that I can go right ahead and keep loving these time wasting useless endeavors.

Things I Shouldn't Love As Much As I Do:

  1. Zombies:  I know.  It's all the rage right now.  The un-dead have become a part of the pop culture zeitgeist.  And I'm one of them.  I love zombies.  The pseudo-hipster in me would want it pointed out that I loved zombies way before it entered the mainstream.  I have lots of nerdy, creative friends and they have brainwashed me thoroughly.  I mean...I put Night of the Living Dead ON STAGE.  Seriously.  What is wrong with me?  
  2. Star Wars: I know George's $4 Billion universe is flawed.  I know his directing has the subtlety of a bull-dozer with the subtitle "BULLDOZING."  I know.  But I love the galaxy far away.  I think I'd put a lightsaber at the top of my "fictitious things I wish I had."  A Harry Potter-Style wand would be up there too.  (See Below.)  
  3. Women Who Are Mean (To Me): I can't help it.  I'm a glutton for punishment, and  I like it when girls make me work for their affections.  I like being held at arms length.  I like being tortured.  I'm a moron like that.
  4. Harry Potter:  I'm a grown-ass man and I love Harry Potter (Books not Movies!)  It's all because I like a story that I can live inside of for a while.  I like the ability to transport to that place.  I also love the UK, so that doesn't help either.  
  5. My Jeep: It's only a vehicle.  I know that.  NO I DON'T!  As I typed that I cringed at the deceit.  My Jeep is open-air freedom.  It's travel.  It's adventure.  It's love.
  6. Christmas Trees:  It's actually not normal.  I like Christmas a normal amount, but Christmas Trees...I love.  A lot.  I love the lights.  The colors.  When I was a baby, I would stare at colored lights for long periods of time.  When I was small, 2 or 3-years old, I toddled away from my mother in a department store.  She found me, carrying on a conversation with a talking Christmas Tree.  I call the weekend after Thanksgiving "Tree Weekend."  
I'm not okay.  Please send help.


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